How to Speak 3-Year-Old

It's time for a language lesson, courtesy of Amelia, our resident developing linguist. Want to fit in with the 3-year-old crowd? Just follow these pointers!

1) Time: you really only need to understand, and use, 2 time concepts: "right now" and "again". All other words relating to time are meaningless.

2) Table Manners, #1: can't come up with the word for your favorite foods? Substitutions are always acceptable and, if you're lucky, they'll think you're just too cute. Favorite examples: "skebby" for spaghetti, "scoo-scoo" for couscous.

3) Table Manners, #2: talking about bodily functions at the table is always entertaining. For example, if your stomach just gurgled, and you're not sure what really happened but you just have to tell everyone about it, come up with a surefire attention-getter like "Mommy, my belly button farted!" (Editor's note: Yes, I swear she actually said this. Fortunately at home, with no one but me as the audience.)

4) Create Your Own Accent: if you have just moved to a new region and want to impress people with your tough city ways, but aren't sure what a Chicago accent is really supposed to sound like, make up your own grammatical peculiarity and maybe you can pass it off as an "accent". (Amelia's trick: "yours" in place of "your". As in, "Are we going in yours car?" "Is that yours book?" etc., etc. At least she doesn't say "youse" -- we wouldn't want people thinking we're from New York.)

5) Parents Are Deaf, or Maybe Just Dumb: and of course, if you don't get the answer to your question that you wanted, just keep asking... and asking... and asking... and asking. Maybe they just don't fully appreciate the importance of giving the right answer.